The Forgotten Book 1: The Lost Soul
by Hollystar122
Summary: After the Clans lost the final battle, the Dark Forest cats took over. They ravaged the world, stripping it of its resources and creating a world of hate for the warriors. Out of the chaos and disarray, three cats will rise - the cats who will determine the future of what the cats have now come to know as home.
1. Chapter 1

**I decided to try my hand at a more mature Warriors fanfic. Contains frequent violence and gore, as well as strong language. This also portrays the Warrior cats as having more humanlike characteristics than the canon characters. If any of that bothers you, please don't read. Otherwise, enjoy! This will start off as a T-rated story, but may be changed later on to M if I feel the need to.**

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They love watching us suffer.**  
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Every day, they sit on their asses and act like we enjoy this. We never wanted any of this. The pain, the loneliness, the hardship. Only the strongest survive here. They wanted it to be that way. They think they own us, that they can control our every move like we are a bunch of puppets. They are wrong. They are the fools. The blind ones. The liars, the jackasses. They are everything that is wrong with this world.

And I hate them for it.

My name is Holly. I used to be a ThunderClan warrior, before the tyrants took over. We call them the Shadow Warriors - warriors with hearts so dark it has cast a shadow over the world. They caused this. They love watching us all suffer in torment, forever dependent on no one but ourselves. This world is endless, their perfect creation. A barren wasteland stripped of its resources. The best we can hope for is the occasional mouse or insect - and forget clean water. We have little shelter. And the worst part of it is is that we are resistant to everything that could kill us besides battle. We cannot starve. We cannot die from dehydration, or exhaustion, or disease. We don't age. We are resistant to everything but the claws and teeth of warriors. Some cats support them. They are the living Shadow Warriors - the cats who are broken beyond repair. Beyond hope.

I am one of those cats.

I do not support the Shadow Warriors. I'd curse them all to eternal damnation if I could. But I am no better than they are. I am not afraid to kill, nor will I pass up the chance to use the claws my parents gave me. I am alone in this world. Everyone here either hates me or just doesn't give a damn. Everyone except for Mouse.

He found me when this world first came to be, after the Clans lost a hopeless war against the cats that run our little circus show. I was broken. Helpless. Devastated after my family had been ripped apart. My mother and brother were dead. My father was forced against his will to serve under the Shadow Warriors as another puppet master. My other brother abandoned me, and my half-brother turned to the Shadow Warriors and was lost forever. Mouse helped me redeem myself. He taught me how to survive in a world that was determined to make us all shells of our former selves. He taught me how to live as my own cat instead of following my conscience. He taught me that killing was an option, but only one that should be used if it was absolutely necessary. He built a home for us. He dug out a large, deep den in the middle of nowhere, where we were alone except for the vultures and coyotes. Struggling to survive on a limited water source and a few desert animals. I looked over to Mouse. He was scoring deep claw-marks into the sand with his claws. He loved to draw - sketching pictures of defiance. Memories that he never wanted to lose.

We had been mates for two moons now. The Clans had been gone for almost five. It was a wonder that we hadn't been driven to madness. If I had been alone, I would have. No doubt. But Mouse helped me climb out of depression - whenever someone threatened us, he took care of it. When a former ShadowClan cat tried to kill me in my sleep, Mouse dragged him outside and made sure that asshole would never be around to threaten anyone again. When a fox tried to invade our den and steal the prey we were storing, he drove it off. When a hawk tried to steal a mouse we had caught and it injured my shoulders with its talons, he took care of me.

I knew he loved me. And I guess, deep down, I loved him, too. I didn't want to admit it. He had admitted so many times that he loved me, and never before had I told him the same thing. I was afraid of losing him. I didn't want to admit I loved him, because it would cause a crack in my self-focused reputation. The Shadow Warriors could never find out about my feelings for him. They would take him away from me the first chance they got. They didn't want mates. They only wanted one-nighters, relationships that would never work. They didn't want a tom to help a she-cat care for their kits. That's why they only wanted their most loyal followers to have kits. I didn't care about that. They could go fuck themselves for all I cared. What was important to me was here.

Mouse told me a short while ago that he wanted kits. I told him I wasn't ready. I didn't want kits. Not yet. I thought about what it would be like to have a bunch of squealing kits running around. It would be nice to have something to tie us together forever... but I couldn't let that happen. Not until I dealt with her.

I hated her. She had tried to steal my mate away from me. I didn't care that she had been his first mate. I didn't care that she was expecting his kits. I didn't care at all what she thought about Mouse and I being together.

Her name was Apple. She had been a ShadowClan warrior, like the one Mouse had killed a long time ago. She had come to us about half a moon ago, clearly heavy with kits. She claimed that Mouse was the father, and she had learned she was expecting soon after the Clans had been destroyed. Apparently, according to Mouse, their relationship had started when they met in the Dark Forest, where the Shadow Warriors used to reside. Their relationship had blossomed, and they started meeting in secret along the edge of ShadowClan territory. After the final battle, they broke up when Apple admitted to having killed Daisy, Mouse's mother, during the battle. Now, it seemed as if they would never truly be able to separate.

I jumped as Mouse spoke. "You're thinking about her again, aren't you, Holly?" I always hated how he seemed to be able to tell what I was thinking. "So what if I am?" I snapped. He looked taken aback. I sighed. "I'm sorry. But Apple has to go. She is driving a rift between us, Mouse. And I don't want to be stuck in a love triangle." He padded up to me and entwined our tails. "I wouldn't let that happen. I love you, Holly. Apple proved that the Dark Forest was more important to her than me a long time ago. I made a mistake, spending so much time with her. And now, I have to pay the consequences." I stayed there for a moment, breathing in his sweet scent.

I drew away. "What are you going to do? These kits don't deserve to be raised by a cat like Apple." He bowed his head. "Apple will be a good mother, Holly. We discussed that before... Never mind. I can't take these kits in, Holly. The Shadow Warriors would kill them. They don't want the toms raising the kits, remember? They know more than you think. And what happens when you have your kits, Holly?"

I frowned. "I'm not expecting, Mouse." He looked up at me. "You know you will soon. I can't let Apple and these kits keep me from being a good mate to you. I have to protect you. I have to keep my promise." I started padding away. He called after me, but I ignored him. I padded into our den, and was immediately plunged into darkness. My whiskers brushed up against the dusty walls, and it was all I could do to stop myself from sneezing. I finally saw a flicker of light up ahead, and veered toward it. I broke out into a spacious den of sorts. The floor was layered with soft sand, and several tunnels branched off. The two largest tunnels led to the rooms Mouse and I slept in. The tunnel to my left was used to store prey and also contained our water source. And finally, the one to my right led to the room Mouse was digging out for the kits I would inevitably have. I kept praying it would never happen, but it would. There was no doubt about it.

I padded into the den Mouse was working on. It was larger than I had expected. The floor was lined with a layer of moss, and nests were being shaped in the back. A training wall was in progress, and Mouse had dug out a small hole that he was slowly filling with water. Now I know you are probably wondering how our kits would ever age into adults. Well, the Shadow Warriors are so kind as to allow kits to grow into full adults before preventing them from aging any further. They still can't die from natural causes, however. I was sniffing one of the nests when I felt a tail wrap around my shoulders. I turned, and wasn't surprised to see Mouse standing behind me.

"I'm sorry for this, Holly. I never meant to have kits with Apple. At the time, I didn't think anything of the Dark Forest's attack. I thought they would lose, honestly." Thunder rumbled overhead. "Be careful what you say." I warned. He snorted. "I don't give a damn what they think." He pressed up against me. "Good night, my love." He murmured. He left.

I was about to follow him when a thought occurred to me. Kits in this world couldn't die of natural causes, right? So what would be the harm in disposing of Apple after her kits were born? As soon as they were able to eat regular meat, they would be able to live on their own, and learn on their own. Free of their mother's influence. I smiled, feeling dark, but good. I padded out of the den and headed for the surface. Apple had told us half a moon ago that her kits would be due any day now. They should have been born a while back. Their eyes should be open now, too. Perfect.

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My paws were aching by the time I reached Apple's den, which was nestled on the peak of a tall, rocky hill. The gravel surrounding it had dug into my paws, speckling the stones with blood. I didn't care. I had a goal in mind, and I wasn't going to stop until I reached it. When I reached the entrance to Apple's den, I heard a soft snoring, masked by the mewling of tiny kits. I couldn't help but smile. I padded slowly inside. My black pelt would blend in well in the shadow of her den. As my eyes adjusted, I could make out a sleeping form in a massive moss nest. Apple was sound asleep, and in the curve of her belly were four - no, _five _- kits. I never knew a she-cat could have so many kits at once. I got as close as I could without disturbing any of them. They looked as if they were a few days old at most - their eyes and ears were still sealed shut. I felt a strange feeling, a desire to care for these kits. I shook my head and told myself to knock it off. My mind filled with images of Mouse as my eyes rested on Apple's first kit. He was a tiny copy of Mouse. He had the same muscular build and gray-white fur. The only difference was that he had brown ears, while Mouse's were grey. Next to him was another tom. This one looked more like Apple, with brown fur. He had a gray stripe on his back, the only indication that he was Mouse's son. The third kit was also a tom, with long brown fur and white paws. He was the largest kit, and his shoulders were very broad. The fourth kit was the first she-kit, a very small, sickly looking mottled brown kit that looked like a tiny copy of Apple. The fifth and final kit was also a she-cat, and had very sleek, fine grey fur. She had white ears and paws, and her tail was very long. I felt another wave of strange love flood over me. I was about to move when Apple shifted. I froze as she lifted her head. "Hello, Holly. I see you have come to visit the kits. I named them, all five of them." I wanted to run. But something was holding me there.

"The first tom is Whisker. The second is Stick. The third kit is Tiger, and the first she-kit is Flower. The last she-kit is Daisy, after Mouse's mother." I nodded slowly. "I... They are beautiful, Apple. I... have to leave." I turned quickly and managed to find the strength to carry me out of the den. I didn't understand why I hadn't been able to move when I'd first seen those kits. It had filled me with a strong desire to have my own kits to care for. As I sprinted out of the den, I felt a strong pain in my stomach. A pain I knew wasn't from bad prey or an injury. This pain brought a greater nightmare, a challenge I wasn't ready for.

I was expecting kits.

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**After the Dark Forest cats took over, they forced the Clan cats to remove the second part of their names, effectively giving them rogue names. As you probably already guessed, Holly is Hollyleaf, Mouse is Mousewhisker, and Apple is Applefur. Credit to the canon stuff goes to Erin Hunter. **


	2. Chapter 2

**I hope you've enjoyed this so far. This chapter will have a lot more OC characters.**

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I tore apart a falcon, stripping back the feathers to reveal the meat beneath. My stomach growled as the sweet smell filled my nose. I began to eat, tearing through the bird. I hadn't eaten in days, and I was starving. I had been raised to take care of myself. No other cat mattered - I had to do whatever was necessary to survive in the only world I had ever known. My mother, Holly, had taught me how to fight, while my father, Mouse, had taught me how to hunt and about my warrior ancestors. My mother insisted that we continue using the Clan names she had given us, to continue her legacy of defiance against the Shadow Warriors. I had kept my promise, and when I'd turned a year old, I'd named myself Falconwing. I looked up as a shadow fell over me, and I saw my mother standing there. She looked exhausted, and as depressed as ever. After a passing rogue had informed me of my father's death at the paws of my half-brother, Tiger, I had returned to my birthplace to care for my mother. She was still as strong as she had ever been - but moons of starvation and battle had done a toll on her emotional resilience. Mouse had died when his second litter was only three moons old - and now, I was doing whatever I could to be a father figure to them. Not to mention that my mother was expecting another litter.

I moved away to let my mother take her share of the falcon I had caught. We sat in awkward silence for a few minutes before she looked up, a feather caught in her whiskers. "Are you still going to go?"

I flicked my tail. "I have to go, Holly. I don't have a choice. I need to find the cat that killed my father, and make him pay for what he did. If there's one thing I remember from when I was little, it's that you made me promise to always seek vengeance on everyone who wrongs me." Holly nodded slowly, looking as if she were regretting those words now. "I need you here, Falconwing. Your father isn't here anymore to protect me. How am I supposed to care for myself when my kits are still nursing?" I shook my head. "You will find a way, Holly. I've spent two moons with you. I must start my journey. I have to find Tiger before he reaches the Shadow Temple and becomes a Shadow Warrior. Because then, he will spill all of our secrets. And then, we will have nothing. The leaders will kill our family, and we will be left with nothing. I have to do this, Holly. You need to understand." She locked eyes with me for a moment. I silently willed her to let me go.

"I don't want to see you leave on a quest you will likely never return from, Falconwing. But I know how much this means to you." She looked away. "Go. Find Tiger, and make him pay for killing your father. And-and if you see your brothers, tell them to pay me a visit. They know how to find me." I nodded. I figured that would never happen. My mother wasn't aware of it, but one of my brothers, Mousetail, had become a Shadow Warrior. My other brother was kind of a jerk. He had settled down with a former Clan warrior named Heather, and had had a litter of kits with her before abandoning her to care for them herself. I touched noses with my mother. "Goodbye, Holly. I love you, and I will survive this journey. I promise." Before she could say anything, I turned and started off.

I was barely a tree-length away when I heard excited squealing behind me, and I realized that my younger siblings had found me. I turned as Lionkit, Jaykit, Leafkit, and Jaggedkit swarmed around my paws. They were five moons old now. In about a moon, my mom would change their names to apprentice ones, and would send them off to live on their own. I kind of regretted the fact that this would probably be the last time I would ever see them. I touched noses with each one of them in turn. "I have to go now." Jaggedkit looked up at me. "But why, Falconwing? Did we do something to upset you?" I shook my head. "No, not at all. I have to do something important. You'll understand someday, when you are older." I addressed each of the kits in turn. "Lionkit, you have your father's kindness and your mother's determination. You will make a great leader someday. Stay away from the Shadow Warriors. They can do nothing for you. Jaykit, you are one of the smartest kits I know. You will be a very intelligent cat, capable of outsmarting even the smartest Shadow Warriors. Leafkit, you have your mother's sharp tongue and love for battle. You will be a great warrior. Every cat will fear you. And you, Jaggedkit. You have your father's loyalty and honesty, and your mother's courage. You too will be a great warrior." I stared at the four of them for a moment before I turned and walked away, ignoring their calls and protests.

I padded on in silence. I knew I was being something along the lines of an ass. Leaving my mother when she was days away from kitting, with a couple of toms padding after her. I knew a lot about these toms, believe it or not. I'd done my research. The first one was the half-brother of a former RiverClan warrior. His name was Owl. He had been born and raised about a day's journey away from where Holly lived, and he had been moving around, looking for the perfect mate. He had been a Shadow Warrior briefly before he was kicked out for being too soft. The other tom was the grandson of a former WindClan warrior. His name was Bone. He was this huge black-and-white tom with emerald green eyes and paws the size of an apprentice's head. He was menacing in appearance, and a great fighter, but a huge softie on the inside. Both toms were handsome and charismatic, and I could tell they weren't going to give up very easily. See, these days, it wasn't uncommon for a she-cat to have multiple mates at a time. I know, it's strange. But it's the way we were raised, and it's the way we are raising our children.

I myself had been stuck in the love circle lately. I had recently met a beautiful white she-cat who was the daughter of a former RiverClan she-cat named Misty. Her name was Ice, and I couldn't help but feel somewhat attracted to her. She lived a decent amount of time away. She was forced to move there when her only son, Jade, had been injured by a Shadow Warrior and left to die.

Speaking of the Shadow Warriors, I caught a glimpse of a couple of them beating up a cat several tree-lengths away. Here in the desert, it was real easy to see over long distances, so I could easily identify the cats. The two Shadow Warriors were a couple of former ShadowClan cats, Ratscar and Redwillow. I was pretty sure the cat they were mauling was my half-sister's son, Spot, although he was pretty bloodied, so it was hard to tell. I looked away quickly, not wanting to see my kin get beat up by a couple of jackasses. I wonder what he had done to earn a beating. Those had grown more and more common lately has populations soared. I guess the Shadow Warriors were cracking down on population control. As long as they stayed away from my family, I really couldn't be bothered to care.

A strong scent hit my nose, causing a wave of nausea to pass over me. I stumbled, silently cursing my nose. I had reached the place that had been modeled after the Bonehill in the old Clan territories. They trained new Shadow Warriors here. Any cat that was strong enough to live with that smell should be guaranteed a spot in the ranks, in my opinion. I quickened my pace, heaving a great breath of relief as I passed by the heaping mass of blood and bones and the smell began to fade. I lowered my head, trying to ignore the thirst that was making my throat sore as hell. I would be lucky to find a good water source within the next week. My paw pads were still softer than most since I had been raised on such soft ground. As the ground began to harder beneath my paws, I started to suffer the consequences. By the time I reached my current destination point, my paw pads were cracked and bleeding.

I was greeted by a dirt mound with a hole carved in the bottom that was barely big enough for a cat my size to fit. This den was completely homemade, like the one I had been raised in. I stuck my head into the entrance. "Hello?" I called. "Ice?" A few moments passed before I got a response. "Falconwing? Is that you?" I stepped back as a pair of blue eyes flashed in the darkness. A moment later, Ice stepped into full view. Her pelt was bright and well-groomed for living in a hellish world like this. However, you could simply look into her eyes and see the suffering she had gone through. Her mother had been forced to abandon her when Ice was a small kit, and her father had been no help. His name had been Lightning, and he had been a violent parent. He was obsessed with battle, and had abused Ice to the point of insanity. Eventually, Lightning himself went insane after being forced to watch one of the leaders brutally murder his new lover for suggesting that they rebel against the Shadow Warriors. Lightning eventually went so mad that he tried escaping through the Bonehill, which he believed led to the Shadow Temple and his key out of this devastated world. The Shadow Warrior on guard there killed him, and Ice was left as a young, traumatized orphan with serious emotional scars.

I touched noses with her. "It's been a while. How are you doing?" Her eyes glistened in the pale light. "Life's been about as good as it can be here. How are your siblings?" I shrugged. "They're fine. Getting eager to go out into the real world, as you could expect." She nodded. "And your mother?" I flicked my tail. "Close to having her kits." Ice's gaze clouded. "It must be hard for her, now that Mouse is gone." I grunted. "She has those toms that have been hanging around. Both of them seem interested in becoming her mate, and she seems interested enough in them. Listen, Ice. We need to talk." A look of concern spread over her face. "Okay. Come... come with me." She turned and padded into her den. I followed her inside. She had a small fire burning in the back. How she managed to keep that going, I do not know. We settled down together in front of the flame. An awkward silence hung in the air for a few moments before I spoke. "Ice. I need to leave for a while on a journey. My father, he was killed by one of his sons, this cat called Tiger. He is my half-brother. I know I once said I would never harm a single hair on any cat's pelt so long as they were family to me, but that's changed now. I have to make Tiger pay for what he did to my father - and to my mother. Do you understand?" She nodded slowly. I was surprised at the anguish that appeared in her eyes.

"Can't you stay around here for just a little longer, Falconwing? I want to get to know you better. My whole life, I only had my father. And he was a jerk. He never treated me right. He told me he regretted that I was ever born once. I hated him after that. I was happy when he died. And now... you give me the chance to redeem myself for that. The first time I meet a nice cat since my mom left, and now you're leaving?" I sighed. "You don't understand, Ice. I have to do this for my family. If I don't, my father will be shamed for life. I can't let Tiger go on believing that he won. If he makes it to the Shadow Temple - the _real _Shadow Temple - he will join up with the Shadow Warriors and spill our family secrets. I can't let that happen." She sighed. "I understand why you need to go, Falconwing. I just wish-" She was cut off by a soft mewl from the entrance. I looked over, and felt anger build up inside me as I saw Jaggedkit standing at the entrance. His eyes were wide, his pelt fluffed out to twice its size. I sprang to my paws. "Jaggedkit! Did you follow me?" The kit hung his head. "I wanted to come with you, Falconwing. I'm sorry." I stepped forward. "Does Holly even know you are gone?" He shook his tiny head. I was about to seriously yell at him when I felt Ice touch my shoulder with her tail. "Easy, Falconwing. He's your brother. It only makes sense that he would want to follow you." I sighed. "Jaggedkit, come here." I growled. The young kit pattered forward, looking scared as hell. "Jaggedkit, you shouldn't have left without letting Holly know. You shouldn't have left _period_. But you are here now, and I don't have time to take you back with me. You can come with me, but you must behave." The tiny kit gave a squeal of excitement. "Thank you, Falconwing! I can't wait!" His eyes darted to Ice. "Is that your mate?" I felt my pelt grow hot with embarrassment. Thankfully, Ice saved me.

"No, Jaggedkit. Falconwing and I aren't mates. We're just really good friends. My name is Ice. My mother was a RiverClan warrior once." The tiny kit's eyes stretched wide. "Really? That's incredible! Do you know how to swim?" Her whiskers twitched with amusement. "I never had the chance to learn. Why don't you and Falconwing stay with me for the night?" Jaggedkit's eyes grew even wider. "Really? You're the best!" He dove into a pile of moss nearby and buried himself into it. Ice purred with amusement. "You'll have your paws full with him. Good luck." Her expression grew serious. "Are you sure about this journey, Falconwing? Are you positive that Tiger will really spill all of your family's secrets to the leaders?" I nodded. "I'm sure, Ice. He is a bad cat. He hates my mother. She killed his mother, Apple." Ice didn't look very surprised. She'd heard of the tension between my mother and Apple.

"Then if you insist on going, Falconwing, please be safe. You are my only friend, and I couldn't bear to lose you." She padded forward and touched noses with me. We held the position for a few moments before pulling away. "You'd best get some sleep." Ice suggested. I stared at her for a moment, nodding slowly. "Will do. Thank you, Ice." She nodded briefly as I padded away. I settled on the pile of moss next to my brother. I quickly slid into sleep, leaving Ice staring into the flames, lost in unknown thoughts.

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**There you go! Hope you enjoyed this chapter! More to come soon! *cracks open a can of Coke***


	3. Chapter 3

**Here's Chapter 3. Don't forget to favorite and leave a review! Now, where's that can of Coke...**

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As I came to, I was aware of voices. At first, I expected them to be those of my parents. I had dreamed that I was still a tiny kit, curled in my nest, without a care in the world. My heart sank when I looked up, and was not greeted by the friendly faces of my parents, but those of Ice and her son, Jade. Jade was staring at me through narrowed eyes, clearly not fully trusting me yet. He had long scars down his sides from the injuries he had received from the Shadow Warrior. One of his eyes had been badly damaged, affecting his eyesight. His right ear was slightly torn, and he still had claw-marks in his shoulders that were just beginning to heal. When he saw that I was awake, Jade turned to his mother. "Lover-boy here is awake. Shall I escort him out now?" His tone was forceful, as if it wasn't a question, but an order. Ice turned toward him, looking tired. "Let them leave at their own discretion, Jade. Falconwing is a good friend of mine, and I could never kick a kit out." Jade sniffed, but didn't try to argue any further.

I picked through the moss pile until I uncovered Jaggedkit's sleeping form. I prodded him with a claw. "Wake up." I hissed. "It's time for us to leave." The black-and-white kit lifted his head groggily. "Why? It's nice here, Falconwing. Let's stay." He buried his face back under the moss and curled his tail over his ears. I jabbed him in the side again with my claw. He looked up, looking slightly irritated. "What, Falconwing? I want to sleep." I leaned forward, a growl rising in my throat. "Get up. Now. Or I'll take you back to Holly."

That got him up.

I turned toward Ice. "Thank you for your hospitality. We will be on our way now." Ice opened her mouth to speak, but Jade flicked his tail across her mouth, effectively silencing her. "Good luck on your journey, Falconwing. Keep that little furball of yours away from the Shadow Warriors." His words were laced with a message that I wouldn't get at the time. I nodded, getting the hint that we wouldn't be welcome back as long as Jade was here. I grabbed a protesting Jaggedkit by the scruff and carried him out of the den, pretending I didn't hear Ice softly plead with me to stay. Once I was outside, I dropped Jaggedkit and started walking. He followed me without question, and I was relieved for the silence.

We hadn't been walking for long when Jaggedkit suddenly stopped abruptly. I looked over my shoulder. "What?" I snapped. His eyes were wide in horror. I followed his line of sight and saw what he was staring at. Ratscar and Redwillow had found a new victim. I didn't recognize this one. He was a massive brown tom with a stub of a tail and a crap ton of scars. Whatever he had done, the two Shadow Warriors were obviously going to kill him for it. I looked back at Jaggedkit. "Come on, kid. It happens all the time. That's why you don't get on their radar." I started walking again.

We had been walking for quite a while before Jaggedkit finally spoke. "Falconwing... Why were those cats hurting that cat? What did they do?" I shrugged. "Some Shadow Warriors just kill for the fun of it. Others are more dignified. We'll never know, but all I know is that those two Shadow Warriors are some of the worst around. They're violent, and way too strung up in their belief that the leaders are supreme." More silence. Then; "Thank you, Falconwing. I wanted to know why you didn't want us to join the Shadow Warriors. Mother told us, but I thought she was overreacting." I didn't respond. Thankfully, the kit stayed silent.

We kept walking through the desert, the ground turning harder and harder underneath our paws. I knew we were nearing the Twolegplace. Well, it wasn't a Twolegplace, really. There were no Twolegs. It used to be a Twolegplace, but the leaders made sure the Twolegs were disposed of after they took over. Now, they call it a town, and it's one of the worst places to be. The most vicious cats live there - so vicious that not even Shadow Warriors dare to go there. They have lots of dogs in the town - dogs that are worse than the ones the Clans once knew. The leaders trained them to be extra fierce - forcing them to wear collars reinforced with dog teeth and claws. The dogs lived off of the town waste - and whatever cats they could get their damn paws on. As we began to near the town and I glimpsed a soft orange glow in the sky, I halted and turned to face Jaggedkit.

"Jaggedkit. Where we are about to go is a hellish place. It is one of the most dangerous places in this entire world, home to more dogs and traps then ever imaginable. Vicious cats live there - cats who would kill you for a mousetail. Whatever happens, stay with me. You are too young to fight, and young kits like you aren't welcome. We have to pass through the town to remain on our designated path. I'm sorry, Jaggedkit. I'll do what I can to protect you, I promise." The tiny kit looked up at me, a look of pure terror on his face. "I don't want to die, Falconwing." A growl rose in my throat. "You won't die, Jaggedkit. I promise."

As we reached the town, the stench of moons of built-up waste filled my nostrils. I coughed, and I could see Jaggedkit screwing up his face behind me. I heard a snarling just beyond the barbed wire fence that separated this hellhole from the outside world. I sprang up onto a dead tree, not waiting for Jaggedkit to follow. I sprang over the fence and landed on top of a old Twoleg nest that was beginning to cave in on itself. I peered over the edge of the roof.

I wish I hadn't.

I was horrified by what I saw. Two massive dogs were tearing apart a tiny, helpless she-cat. She shrieked in agony as the dogs' teeth sank into her, their claws ripping at her fur. I felt like throwing up. Next to me, Jaggedkit whispered his first curse word. I curled my tail over his eyes and turned away from the gruesome scene. I uncovered his eyes and looked into them. "Jaggedkit." I whispered. "Stay strong. You can do this." I brushed his ear tips with my tail and slowly picked my way across the crumbling roof. After a moment, Jaggedkit followed, keeping his gaze focused on his paws.

We continued leaping from roof to roof, careful not to make too much noise. We were about a quarter of the way through the town, when, suddenly, Jaggedkit let out a yelp of terror behind me. I heard a sharp _crack_, and I turned just in time to see my brother falling through the roof of the nest and into the darkness below. "No!" I yowled. I dove after him, paws flailing in the darkness. Pain shot through me as I landed, jarring my paw. I limped towards where Jaggedkit had disappeared, calling his name softly. After about the third or fourth time, I heard a soft whimper. I raced over to its source.

My poor brother was lying in a pile of dust. A shaft of light broke through the tattered ceiling, revealing his tiny form. He struggled to his paws. He gasped in pain as he tried to put pressure on his hind leg, which was bent at a funny angle. He collapsed. I crouched down beside him, inspecting his leg. Definitely broken. "I'm sorry. I'm going to have to set it." Before he even had time to process what I was saying, I lunged forward. Using my front paws, I jerked his leg. I heard a loud snap, and Jaggedkit shrieked in pain, tears welling in his eyes.

"What did you do?" He asked softly, his voice cracking. I felt even more sympathetic for him. "I had to set your leg back in place." I grabbed a nearby stick and used some vines trailing down the side of the nest to create a type of splint on Jaggedkit's injured leg, which would at least help it heal faster. He struggled to his paws. I was about to grab him and leap back up to safety when a horrible snarling filled my ears. I whipped around as I heard the pounding of paws, and a massive dog tore through the remnants of the door, leaping into full view.

It was the scariest thing I'd ever seen. It's eyes were mad - when I looked into them, I had to look away immediately, lest I go mad as well. It's sides were covered with scars, and the collar around its neck was horrifying - studded with terrible trophies of victorious battles. It snarled, foam dribbling out of the corners of its mouth. It started stalking forward, its eyes blazing madly. I started backing up. Nothing my parents had taught me could ever prepare me for this. I felt terror seize every muscle in my body. The battle moves I knew were for fighting cats or birds of prey - not dogs the size of a tiger. I heard Jaggedkit whimper behind me. He was in no condition to run, and even if he was fine, he was much too young to fight.

I would have to take care of this on my own. This was my first test to see if I truly was meant to follow the path I had set my paws on.

I took a deep breath, calling upon all of my strength. I had a terrible feeling that I wouldn't survive this. But at least I would go down fighting. The dog snarled one more time, and I sprang.

I managed to land the first blow, raking my claws down the dog's blood-encrusted muzzle. It howled in surprise. Its howl quickly deepened into a snarl as it lashed out with a paw. I tried to dodge, but its strikes were lightning fast. The blow caught me in the shoulder, sending me flying into a soft pile of old Twoleg junk. I shook the dizziness out of my mind and managed to roll to the side as the dog sprang at me again. It crashed into the pile, sending the Twoleg things flying everywhere. One of them landed at my paws - I think I remember my father calling it a backpack. I hauled myself to my paws and prepared myself for another strike. It came faster than I was expecting. I met the dog's blow with a powerful one of my own - raking my claws down its chest. Blood splattered against my paw - warm and gross. The dog caught one of my ears on its claw, ripping it. I felt a trail of blood run down the side of my face. I cursed the dog, and silently told him to go to hell.

Time slowed down as I sprang upward with all my might, landing on the dog's back. I spun around, sinking my claws into its shoulders. The dog made a terrible sound - it sounded like a howl and a snarl at the same time. It tried to shake me off. I held on for dear life, spitting as the dog wrenched my claws with its thrashing. Eventually, it did succeed in throwing me off. I slammed into a crumbling wall, and the world went black for just a moment.

A moment was all the dog needed.

When I came to again, I found myself in the dog's jaws. It's sharp teeth had sunk into my shoulder, and it was now shaking me violently. It then threw me to the floor. Through my blurry vision, I could see about seven dogs coming towards me. I moaned loudly and did the last thing I could think of.

I played dead.

I felt the dog's teeth sink into my side for a moment before it relaxed, drawing back. I heard it howl in victory. I expected to die in that moment, becoming food for a vicious killer. But, to my surprise, the dog left.

I stayed there for a moment, not sure what to do. My head was throbbing, and my entire body was numb. I was afraid the dog would come back if I moved. It must have been at least twenty minutes before I was able to convince myself that it wasn't coming back. Dizzy from blood loss, I got to my paws and staggered over to Jaggedkit. The dog hadn't harmed him, thank StarClan, but he was very shaken. I tried to comfort him, but he didn't respond. He kept staring at the entrance to the den, frozen in fear. I had to drag him to his paws and shake him several times before he finally came to his senses. When he saw my injuries, his eyes got even wider.

"Falconwing, what did that nasty thing do to you? You're bleeding terribly! Oh, please don't die!"

"Calm down." I snapped. "I... I'm not going to die. I... I just need a few minutes..." At that moment, my legs gave way, and I fell to the floor. I heard Jaggedkit scream my name, but I didn't really register it at the time. Blackness edged at my vision, and I was barely able to comprehend the fact that this might be the spot where I would die. Even the thought that my death would lead to my brother's death was not enough to get my body going again. I was only able to murmur one more thing -

"Stop the bleeding."

I blacked out.


	4. Chapter 4

**Just as a fair warning to my readers, I'm probably going to change this to an M rating soon, so be prepared for the gore/violence content to increase somewhat. Possibly. I might change my mind for a few bottles of Cherry Coke.**

* * *

"I'm sorry, Owl. I'm just not ready for another relationship yet. I didn't really want a mate in the first place; let alone a second one."

"But I really like you, Holly. Give me a chance. Please."

I almost said yes. I almost wanted to say yes. But something in my gut was stopping me. It was almost like my conscience was screaming at me from the back of my head, telling me not to say yes to his proposal. It wasn't like Owl was an ugly jerk or anything. In fact, he was quite handsome, and while I found Bone to be kinder, that didn't mean Owl was a nasty cat. He had offered several times to at least help me raise my current litter. It was nice of him, but deep down, I knew his motives. Falconwing had told me once that Owl was something of a player - convincing she-cats that he was in love with them and then leaving them just as they were beginning to develop feelings for him. I didn't need that in my life.

Still... he offered me protection and company. Bone had offered nothing of the sorts. In fact, he had been hanging around less and less lately. I was torn in two. I hadn't felt like this in so many moons... since I had found out who my real parents were. The only part that bothered me about Owl was that he had once been a Shadow Warrior, even if they had kicked him out for being too nice. Maybe I should give him a chance, let him help me raise my next litter. Sure, they were Mouse's kits, but Mouse wasn't coming back. Ever. Which meant I had to start planning for the future. Still...

"Holly. I'm being honest. I know you know I've played cats in the past. But this time is different. I swear on whatever is important to you - your family, your ancestors, your life. Anything. Please believe me."

I found myself staring into his eyes - forest green. He had a lean but muscular build, with long brown-and-white fur. White speckles dotted his sides, and his ears were white. He had big paws and broad shoulders. He was taller than Bone, but not quite as big. Handsome. Very handsome. His eyes, especially. I was drawn to them. How they reflected any bit of light they came across, like tiny mirrors. And his fur. It was beautiful. The longest fur I'd ever seen. The way it settled on his body as he walked. It was just perfect. Perfect...

"Holly! Hey, Holly!"

I jumped, whipping around. I found myself face-to-face with Bone, the other cat who was currently showing a huge interest in me. Like I said earlier, he was shorter than Owl, but larger. And a bit kinder. He was a massive black-and-white tom with emerald green eyes and huge paws. He was extremely intimidating on the outside - especially with a torn ear and a long scar running down his side. However, he was actually a really nice cat on the inside.

Bone nodded his greetings to Owl. Unlike in the old days, it was very common for multiple toms to have the same she-cat as their mate. Usually they'd have a litter of kits or two and move on. A tom usually went through three or four she-cats in his lifetime - sometimes even more. That was one of the few new customs I liked - it meant Owl and Bone weren't constantly fighting over my affection. Bone drew a paw over his ear a few times, likely scratching an itch. "I saw a few Shadow Warriors hanging around here. Those fuckers were up to no good again."

Owl drew his lips back in a snarl. "Now what are those jackasses up to? Oh wait- I probably already know. Ripping apart a kit? Torturing an elder? Mocking their ancestors? Worse?"

Bone's mew was grave. "Worse."

My blood chilled. "Come inside." I murmured, a hint of a plea in my voice. "Please." I hurried into my den, relief swamping me as the two toms followed obediently. My kits were asleep in the room Mouse had dug out for the kits ages ago, when I had been pregnant with our first litter. I led Bone and Owl to my room, which I had expanded shortly after Mouse's death. I sat down in my nest in the back. "Listen to me. I need both of you to do something for me. I am going to have my kits any day now, and they need a father. And now... the Shadow Warriors are hanging around. Clearly they think something is up. I need a strong, loyal mate or two to protect me. But they have to be as loyal and honest to me as I am to them."

The two toms were silent for a while. I could have sworn I saw those little gears turning in their minds as the contemplated what a full-out relationship would be like. Finally, it was Bone who spoke first.

"I've never been in a relationship before. I've never even lived with another she-cat, excluding my mom, of course. But if you really think you need me, then I'll stay." I smiled and turned to face Owl, who was still staring at me with narrowed eyes. "Well?"

He seemed lost for words at first. Finally, after a somewhat-awkward silence, he spoke. "I'll stay, too. I know you don't trust me, Holly. And I understand your concerns. I can't guarantee that I'll stay forever. I'll probably end up leaving after your son comes back. But for now, I'll be here. For you."

I should have felt flattered. Their pledges of dedication should have caused me to fall head over heels in love with them. I should have been willing to fall in love with both of them. The problem was that I couldn't. I sighed. "Listen, Owl. Bone. I-"

_BOOM!_

The whole den shook. Pieces of rock clattered down around me. I closed my eyes, praying I wasn't all of a sudden involved in some kind of freak storm. As soon as the shaking stopped, I flew out of the den, Owl and Bone on my heels.

I wasn't involved in a freak storm after all. Standing just outside my den was one of the Shadow Leaders. The minute I saw him, the fur on my neck stood up. I signaled to Owl and Bone to disappear back into the den. The initially refused, but the minute they caught sight of the leader, they vanished. I forced myself to stay calm. I cycled through the list of Shadow Leaders in my head until I figured out who was paying me a visit.

His name was Hawkfrost. He was an impressive tom, with a very muscular build, broad shoulders, and a thick tabby pelt. His ice-blue eyes were very intimidating and were good for interrogating. He was the son of one of the highest-ranking leaders - Tigerstar. He himself was one of the elder leaders. It wasn't good that he was paying me a visit now.

Slowly, he approached me. "Greetings, Holly. I assume you know who I am, so I will skip over any introductions. I am here on a very important assignment. One of our leaders has... _disappeared._"

I tensed. "Disappeared? What do you-"

He growled. "I would appreciate it if you would refrain from interrupting me, Miss. As I was saying, one of our leaders has disappeared under mysterious circumstances. His name was Shredtail. He has dark brown tabby fur - sort of ragged. His tail is injured beyond repair, and he has many scars as well. Have you seen him?"

I didn't say anything.

He blinked, narrowing his eyes suspiciously. "Just remember, Holly. Lying isn't welcomed here. Liars perish. And their death is never happy. Now tell me. Have you seen him? I'll repeat his appearance one more time, so your tiny little brain is able to comprehend it. His name is Shredtail. Big tom with a ragged dark brown tabby pelt. Injured tail. Many scars. Have you seen him?"

I set my jaw. "No."

"Honest answer?"

I forced myself to look into his eyes. "I haven't seen him, Hawkfrost. If I do, I'll tell him you're looking for him."

He snorted. "As if. He was likely kidnapped, Holly." He unsheathed his claws. "If you see him, you are to report it at once. Do not attempt to do something only the leaders can accomplish. We do not need this kidnapper escaping again. Is that understood? Or do you need me to repeat it again? I know mortals like you have only a fraction of the mental power we do. I'll understand if you are too incapable of understanding the importance of this event."

A growl rose in my throat. "I understand, Hawkfrost. If I see anything out of the ordinary, I'll report it. I swear it." I unsheathed the tips of my claws and sank them into the soft earth.

He nodded slowly. His pelt began to grow bright with a white light. "Alright." He paused for a moment. "Oh, and Holly. Don't think we aren't watching you every moment of the day. Because we are." There was suddenly a bright flash of light, and the ground shook.

_BOOM!_

I stood still, my claws dug into the ground, as the whole world shook around me. Why did they have to make such dramatic exits? Whatever happened to simplicity? Once the ground stopped shaking, I felt two cats on either side. Bone and Owl had emerged from my den.

"What happened?" Owl demanded. "Are you okay?"

I nodded. "I got a visit from Hawkfrost, one of the Shadow Leaders."

"Hawkfrost? What did he want?"

"He said that one of the Shadow Leaders had gone missing. He said the other leaders believed he had been kidnapped, and they were searching for the kidnapper. The leader's name was Shredtail, and he described him as a big dark brown tabby with a ragged pelt and an injured tail. A lot of scars, too." I stepped forward and turned to face the two toms.

Owl looked thoughtful. "I think I remember Shredtail from back when I was training to be a Shadow Warrior. He was one of the leaders Tigerstar and Brokenstar assigned to help train new Shadow Warriors. He was a cruel, battle-hungry cat. Always abusing the trainees. He was a jackass most of the time, clawing at us and laughing as our blood splattered the ground. He wasn't afraid to kill the trainees if he thought they didn't deserve to get promoted to an official rank. He'd blame it on another one of the trainees - sometimes even the guards. He got a lot of cats killed. No wonder he got kidnapped. Probably by some rebel leader or something."

"So what do we do?"

He snorted. "I honestly could care less what happens to that bastard. I'm more concerned about my own personal welfare. But, if we _do _see him, I suggest avoiding him at all costs. An encounter with a Shadow Warrior right now would be twice as devastating as usual."

"Why?"

He sighed, like he couldn't believe I'd just asked that. "_Because_. Tigerstar and Brokenstar will have the Shadow Warriors on high alert right now for signs of treason, which in turn could lead them to Shredtail's captors. Shadow Warriors are not above torture, Holly."

"I know that."

He turned away. "Just keep your eyes open, okay? I've had enough to deal with lately."

I bristled. "If you have so much to worry about, then why take me for your mate? Why burden yourself with another lump to care for, to risk your life for? Am I even worth loving to you?"

He seemed to realize he'd misspoken. "Holly, I didn't mean it that way-"

I curled my lip. "I think you did, Owl." I whipped around and stormed out of the den. I was sick and tired of being used as a fallback. Sick and tired of being a punching bag for other cats to use when they were sick of dealing with their own problems. Everyone, even back in the Clans, had always treated me like I was invincible. Like no matter what they said to me, I was expected to resist it, like some kind of immortal deity. Well guess what. I'm not as immortal as they think. I have my limits, just like everybody else.

I wasn't sure where I was going, other than that I wanted to get away from everything. I needed an escape. I remember overhearing a cat talking about suicide once. I thought it was ridiculous then. And I still think that now. Suicide is a coward's way out, in my opinion. But now that Mouse is gone, and two of my sons likely with him, I understand the reasons behind it a little more. Depression can make cats do stupid things. Make them think they can't win anymore, that life is no longer worth living. The mind does some terrible things. And no matter what they tell you, nothing is irreversible. Everything does something to you. From the most minor thing to the most major, everything has an impact. The effects of that impact are permanent. No matter what they tell you, it's permanent.

Which is exactly why I want to get away from all of it.

I kept running until I reached the chain link fence that separated me from the Shadow Warriors. I stared at the fence, feeling a mix of feelings. Anger. Defiance. Grief. The mix of feelings was so strong that it starting numbing my mind. I'd heard that was a key sign that you were losing your grip on reality. Going insane. And you know what? Right now, I wouldn't really mind going insane. The Shadow Warriors are surprisingly lenient with the mentally unstable. I could be alone in my own world. Free to think about things that don't exist. I could just start wandering around, saying and doing only things a madman would do.

But that's not how the real world works.

In the real world, not even insanity is the solution. No problem ever has a solution. Because every solution brings new questions. New problems. And the cycle keeps going on and on. That's what the world is. An endless cycle of problems. We try to push them away with stupid things. Relationships. Misconceptions. Happiness. But no matter what we do, it's still there. It always will be. Always has. And it takes something big to realize that. Maybe the insane are the smartest of us all. Maybe the depressed aren't as strange as we make them. Maybe they have a point- that this world really isn't worth fighting for anymore. What's the point of it all? The wars. Hunger. Disease. Suffering. Death. What's the point of it all? So we can fall even further into the pit of darkness that is our world? So we have another thing to distract us from the truth? Are we even aware of what's going on? That somewhere, somehow, someone is just toying with us for their own personal enjoyment?

All of these questions surged through my mind. But under the haze of confusion that now clouded my mind, I knew one thing for sure.

I was going to make the most of the hellhole I'd been unknowingly stuck in. And I wouldn't regret a minute of it.


End file.
